Swings of a rhapsodic mind

I wasn't always who I am today. It took a lot of courage to break past my shell. Oscar Wilde  had once stated that knowing what you want to be in life becomes a curse because you invariably become that but not knowing is liberating, there are endless possibilities of who you can become. I too didn't know who I was going to be. Today, I realise it was liberating. I never knew i could find my voice some day. Now that I feel liberated,it becomes difficult to remain confined. We need to grow, evolve into better beings each day. We need to grow past the "checks and balances" of life. I remember Fuller here,  Fuller has asked us to be a part of a process of this evolving planet. He wants us to be "verbs" not "nouns"!  Here is a tale of an introverted me who knew not what to expect from life .  ....... I would talk less at school, not attend socialising events, avoid looking at stranger's eyes while on the road. In short, I wanted to be invisible to t...

 The tiny mountain lights showed me home, Home: a fluid entity which marks no land. I opened my palms to feel the chill and yet I felt it's warmth in the way it held my gaze Unfaltering, of a different magnitude. I don't belong to the hills and yet A part of me was always here waiting, For me to claim my roots. And thus those lights,led me   home.

How often have you faced the crisis of tracing where your identity lies? You may think I maybe fooling around but sir, let me remind you, it isn't as easy a question for the most of our likes. The very first blog that I wrote was on my confusing identity ties,  I was not confident back then. I guess I had a long way to go when it came to owning one's identity. Today, I atleast have some answers. Anecdote 1: " In which language do you think", asked my friend. I was taken back. Well at that very moment I was thinking in Assamese.  "Oxomia", I replied. "Well, do you speak Oxomia at home?" , she furrowed her glance in disbelief. "No, we speak Nepali", I added. I was beginning to see the plathora of confusion rising in her wee head. I was beginning to enjoy it . I maintained my composure. I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. "How come you speak Oxomia so well?" , she blurted out. "Well, I am as much an Oxomia as you a...

 Well, years back I had wrote about Miss Sunshine. She was a meek soul who hid behind written words. She would smile coyly but couldn't speak back to people, she was yet to bloom. I can tell you this for I have seen her grow all along. How did she find her voice?, you may wonder. Well, it all began when she stepped into the world of teaching. She made new acquaintances. Some pulled her down, others accepted her for what she was and it was this acceptance that she had got which helped her grow comfortable in her skin. She had met someone special. Someone who with his unfaltering acceptance made her realise that she too was capable of being someone of worth. They built a rock solid friendship over the years. He pushed her to overcome her fears. Most importantly he made her own this space, this blog. His acceptance made her come out of her shell, she was slowly learning to grow wings. Today, as she scribbles, she remains indebted to him.  Time wasn't always kind to her. She suffe...

"I want to see a setting sun", I told him as we sat in the shack looking at the bright sun gleaming over the waves. "Sure, let's not move anywhere", he readily jumped over the idea. We talked about everything that we had anticipated all along, this trip, our future together, family back home as we nonchalantly waited for the sun to set. It was only when the waiter brought a lamp to our side when I noticed that we had missed the whole idea of viewing the sunset! "Phew! I don't see the sun", I yelled out alarmed "laa", I heard him say. " Well, isn't it good that we can again come back tomorrow and sit in the same spot waiting for the sun to set", he remarked. Well, this is what I like about him. His ability to look at the positive side of life. Well, if not a sunset, we saw a pale moon's silvery gleam over those tall waves. We laughed and talked over endless cups of tea and food. While it was time to leave the shore, we di...

 We sat overlooking the endless foamy sea from the wooden shack that had become our favourite spot. The vastness of the sea left us numb, yet we managed to mumble all the while tasting the salt peppery breath of the sea against our face. "I had never been so much at ease", I heard him close. I nodded, unable to put how I was feeling right at that moment sitting beside him facing the sea to myself.  He played with the loose hair strands that the wind blew to my face. I let him. I was never so comfortable around any guy but with him everything was easy, as easy as breathing! He was getting tipsy from the beer cans and I was high on the ambience that the setting sun was promising us of. He looked as peaceful as a kid. These many months of knowing him had made me see the good that the world possessed of. I clutched his hands assuring him of my presence. He smiled his usual smile, the one that brightened up his calm face. A faint chord of a guitar, odd excerpts of foreign tongues,...

  While I was a kid, I was taught to make new year resolutions. The whole process was symbolic, a new year meant newer possibilities. This ritual has stayed by me. This year, before I move on to hope from a brand new year, I want to thank 2021 for all the life lessons it had to provide: 1. In days when everything seems lost and dim, work on yourself because you can't disappoint yourself but the world might by not recognizing your effort. 2. Change is the new constant. No matter how much you try, you change and people around us change and that is the only constant. 3. Life eventually leads you to someone (when you least expect) whom you can call your "home". That someone who helps you become comfortable in your own skin, he or she is the one that you unconsciously were always in search for. 4. Acknowledge your mistakes and work on them. Life allows scope for rectification. You can't be late as long as you have today and a brand new tomorrow. 5. Travel to any place and ...

 "Do you remember when did you click your first photo?", I asked him this morning. "Well probably in my 11th standard", he mused. "When did you click yours?", he enquired. "Well this is going to be a long story!", I added sheepishly. I was in eighth standard when my parents took me on a trip to Kolkata. On a sultry July afternoon as we were sitting in the lawn overlooking the Victoria Memorial, I suddenly had the urge of freezing that moment. My father back then was a proud owner of a camera that none dared to touch. When I asked him to let me click a snap, he hesitated a great deal but couldn't possibly say no.I could feel my heart beating aloud as I pressed that tiny silver button. My mother's pastel saree complemented the towering presence of the monument at the backdrop. My father's furrowed glance clearly suggested that my intrusion was unwelcomed. But, that very day I had realised that photographs had the power of transforming t...

I have been in the close company of a human these past months. The title of this blog post would keep you thinking what exactly is 0-10. Well, this special friend of mine has a habit of asking for ratings about almost everything on Earth. "On a scale of 0-10, how happy are you?", quipped he. " Well, 8.. ,9… wait.. er!", I fumbled. I hadn't realised how difficult it grows to quantify your responses. This game of ratings has become our personal favorite. It not only helps to estimate what the other person has in mind but also gives you a fair sense of estimation about yourself. I am yet to find proper answers to many of such questions but I realise that this game would keep on being his and mine personal favorite. As we sat by the sea, trying to figure out ratings. I marveled at the endless possibilities that the sea held. All ratings couldn't suffice that evening by that sea. That salt pepper breath of the sea hitting our faces, the calm and serenity that eve...

The Secret of Plants in the Environment by Rishikesh Upadhyay As a kid, my grandfather had instilled in me the belief that plants were one of us. We were not allowed to disturb them at night or in the wee hours of morning, as that was their time of rest just like ours. I always thought they understood our language so allowed us to pluck fruits and flowers but I wondered when I could learn theirs. You all probably must be wondering what made me talk about plants out of the blue! Well, it was in the month of October when I came across this book The SECRET OF PLANTS IN THE ENVIRONMENT by Dr. Rishikesh Upadhyay. The book talks about the language of the plant world: their inner workings, their structure, and the way they operate in the environment and a lot more. To someone like me, who doesn't belong to the Sciences, this book served as a handbook to explore the plant world and it's inter-dependency with the environment? It not only made me aware regarding how human intervention im...

As I seal these words in ink, I can see you brooding over pesky grays: unwelcomed and too many! I know, I know you are a planner, That you like to hide, And hate to take risks Yet, can't you just let go? I know life has been tough Growing up sucks, Adulting gives you cringes. But, girl, dance in your pyjamas When you still can. Don't brood at the worldly ways Your blanket shields you from all the hurt. Your books accept you with warmth, Life is more about you and less about the world. Let them run after all the sparkle, I know you find peace in your dim lit corners. Summers fun for ice-creams, Winters for a piping cup of coffee. So what if you still are a kid trapped in an adult's world You still are you and that is what it takes. So, dear, breathe while you still can The 20s won't last forever, The 30s would be real bother, Mellowing 40s would be wiser. But right now, as I write this I want you to enjoy all the cosiness You deserve and reserve for yourself! I want you ...

As a kid, I was fascinated by the world of grown ups. They seemed pretty cool to my eyes. They could ply their vehicles, move around without seeking permissions and get anything they wanted as they had money in their pockets. On the contrary, there I was struggling to choose jelly over butter for breakfast. Well, well maybe I still am a kid trapped in a grown ups body. The last couple of months have been tough, I have had dealt with unseen situations. I tried to fare it well but probably I wasn't taught the requisites to come out strong. I have  abided by a rule book all of my life. Rather than being in a story I had always opted to stay at the periphery. I have lived more anticipating a future rather thank making amends with my present. The past though a lost chapter somehow never leaves my thought process because all of it makes me who I am today and I don't regret any of it. These past months were filled with self revelation. I have finally realised how I have always tried...

 I need time for what seems obvious Why? Well, there's no obvious answer. I need time for what seems easy breezy to you , but sigh not to me. Between letting go and holding on, I need time: every time. I try to look at the world like I am supposed to do I try to fit in my parents shoe But as I ponder, I cry out "I need time". To bloom and to return to dust, I need time. Irony being , probably I am running out of time. I know, I become cranky I know, I say "I can't, give me some time" And yet, time that passes begets more time Irony has a disdaining laugh For i chase time to run out of it. But, for now, I am learning to slow down I am learning to unlearn whatever I was fed I am learning to not chase time Probably, I will put it to rest for some time. Next time, probably I won't need more time.

It was during my initial year of graduation when I took notice of this word in the small preety wall bulletin near Mohapatra Sir's cabin. I almost had knocked Sir's cabin, I wanted to know the meaning of the word and I didn't have a smart phone nor an internet connection back then to bring home a world of dot coms. But, I being the hesitant girl I was, I retraced back to class carrying that word in my head. I quietly jotted down the word in the last page of my notebook, it has stayed there till today. I won't tell you the literal meaning for it would miss my context. I would often run to that preety board to see what it held for the day, there would be interesting bits of write ups, fun facts and comic sketches from the students. One mundane day, sir caught me looking intensely at the board and told me the story behind it. I being the story monger, lit up at the idea. Sir, is a world traveller, he has been to remote and distant places. He being the person he is, ...

I tried to find a color that defines us, I know you would understand why I chose blue! The blue of the mountains and the blue of our pain, Match the blue of the ink when we paint emotions. Remember, you said I don't wear blue enough? That you picture me in blue flowing Kurtis, And I would click my tongue to feign irritation. But, I would rummage through my wardrobe later I never told you, you weren't dreaming I had that blue flowing kurti which I never wore For, I wanted you to keep dreaming. Somedays, you would be drunk to the core And compare me to a lifeless wall, My pain all blue froze in my bones. My tears, all blue, trailed through powdered cheeks. You know, blue found us, When the world was obsessed with black and white. It found me staring at the blue sky And you, at the blue of my dupatta. Remember, you had lost my 'piccachu', Ah, I had next made you one in blue. The tiny red dots of its cheeks fought when I painted But, it was our world...

I wasn't all-right you weren't all-wrong And unlike what the world says, One wrong and one right made our world bright. Yet, a fight! Phew,! fallen knight. Of withered memories leaking through stiches Of mellowed days that time breaches. Nothing to loose when everything's been lost. Yet, hold on when the days aren't right Hold on when you give up your might Hold on a bit for its all worth, For I am counting on your wrong. For your quirky song. For all the idiocy that escapes your tongue, For I know you from the past. I know not of future, it has no promise to tell But the past been ours And for it's sake, a faint request Hold on, eh. You probably do not know, Of my expeditions along muddy fields. How I wait to see fishes gleam. How my sneezes chase scary frogs. How I have befriended a neighbor dog. How I wheel the car's steering each morn How I teach grandma English alphabets, How fascinating it sounds when she narrates T...

"I don't quite like our generation, do you?", asked my cousin. "Well…", I fumbled for I didn't have any answer. "Everything today can be bought with money, I want to know what it feels like to long for things which we can't buy and yet need them", he added wisely "Did amoi( grandma) teach you this?", I enquired, curious. "No, I thought about it on my own", he smiled. … I was dumbfounded by my ten year old cousin. This kid had learnt his lesson on life. He has been my "walky talky" these seven days. I chose to call him by that name because he briefs me about everything that's escaped my notice. He perhaps senses my off minded behavior. For he jerks me time and again, pulling by my hand clicking his tongue in disdain. Each morning, we hit the paved village roads crossing green paddy fields and muddy ponds. My grandma's place is a farmer's paradise. The fields are lush green with rice being planted....

I broke myself into million pieces For I wanted you to leave  But, little did I know,  You never saw me as a whole.   2 Her ghungru broke his calm As his roof sprang to life, He ran frantically to catch her glimpse She slyly tiptoed her way back home But, forgot to return him his solitude. 3 Akram Miya spoke through his stained teeth drawing the onlookers attention: "Ram took away Rahim's place This jumma I have no place for his ibadat" Hindus furrowed their glance in disdain, Muslims rose in unison, And before blood spiked out of veins, Francis, pointing towards his courtyard spoke: My Jesus wouldn't mind your presence! 4 Her fb account popped a stranger's request, She declined his request  But, curiosity raced her heart. 5 The drought burned away the last of hopes A weary farmer sat drinking his tears The radio in the farthest corner squeaked, "The city got clogged out of incessant rains." Irony, probably was meant to be dark. 6 "Wear your mask...

As i hit the road today, I over heard a conversation between two adults. "Gone are the days when days were filled with laughter", she sighed. "Look how we breathe let alone laughter", came the other's terse reply. "The world was once filled with so much of life and light and look how we can't afford to give our kids even the freedom to breathe freely, these masks are giving hard times". … I took a steep turn no longer wanting to hear dismal stories. As i was about to reach my home, I saw my neighborhood baa ( grandpa). I couldn't even recognize him as he clung helplessly to his wheel chair. I knelt near him to greet him with a "namaste" and his eyes shone when he recognized me. He flashed a welcoming gap toothed smile and the next moment I saw him mimick a frown. " What's wrong baa?", I asked. "I no longer have a candy for you like yester years", he winked. This made me giggle hard. Memories came stream...

Bits of memories lying on the road Come to life during my morning stride. The prudent sun mocks my fragile demeanour. Perhaps, it knows where I stand. I fight my demons racking my memory They sing their mindless blabber , "Quite, please. Quiet…", I plead. "But you are not you anymore", I hear their unison. And I stand before a mirror, I see someone : heartbroken yet tall Tired yet a fighter, Crushed yet lively. And I answer back with a smile, Do you know me enough? The voices get shunned A defeaning silence envelops. "Girl, you were impulsive", I hear a voice And I nod my usual way, Tired of answering back I seek recluse in my memories. For there I know, I have a heaven of my own. For there I know, no demons be answered. As you read this, I want you to know Some wrongs make a right Some hurt make you wise Today's fall is tomorrow's rise And truth be spoken with no lies I want peace at my end and happiness at yours As i p...