Skip to main content

Dust to dust

As a kid, I was fascinated by the world of grown ups. They seemed pretty cool to my eyes. They could ply their vehicles, move around without seeking permissions and get anything they wanted as they had money in their pockets. On the contrary, there I was struggling to choose jelly over butter for breakfast. Well, well maybe I still am a kid trapped in a grown ups body.

The last couple of months have been tough, I have had dealt with unseen situations. I tried to fare it well but probably I wasn't taught the requisites to come out strong. I have  abided by a rule book all of my life. Rather than being in a story I had always opted to stay at the periphery. I have lived more anticipating a future rather thank making amends with my present. The past though a lost chapter somehow never leaves my thought process because all of it makes me who I am today and I don't regret any of it.

These past months were filled with self revelation. I have finally realised how I have always tried to be in the good books of people and that without realising had been toxic to my growing up process. I was that ever understanding kid who would happily let go her share of stuff to fill other's pockets. Kindness, empathy, benevolence were what my family thought me to abide by whereas they should carved me into a strong willed, headstrong individual.

I have this tendency of hurting people without realising. I hurt them and I try to escape them. A fugitive is trapped in my body. I know happiness cannot be collective and I ought to think like an individual but to me it is easier said than done. I have always liked to believe that the very idea of happiness is collective. I can only be happy when I know my people are happy. For now I have stopped being a confused adult and am in the process of becoming who I want myself to be. The journey ahead is tough but never was anything easier so far, this fight shall continue until I meet dust to dust.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"My love is enough for both of us"

"My love is enough for both of us", she often felt those words ring in her heart. She finally had understood that life wouldn't always follow her designs. That people are meant to leave but their memories won't. She often had wondered how someone could love her to such an extent when that person had always known that she wouldn't reciprocate those feelings. How could a person stand by her when she always acted as a fleeting shadow. She never had given hope for she knew the pain of dejection but he kept hoping like a hopeless vagabond. How she wished that he would some day hate her enough to let go. She devised ways to free him from this web, she acted cold, turned indifferent, did everything he detested and she finally saw some changes. It was a relief, he finally seemed to take hold of his life. She could see him grow responsible. He finally it seemed was learning to love himself. Phone calls died, meetings subsided, they become known strangers. All this while ...
2 comments
Read more

Life on wheels

The one thing that I always had dreamt of as a kid was to have a caravan that could take me to places.I always wanted a gypsy styled life. The idea itself mesmerized me to the extent that I kept dreaming of it the whole time not even realising how it was time which kept on rolling but I stood exactly at the same place, my dreams could never concretize. What was laughed at as a childish game was so important to me that I keep doodling it in my memory till now. I see a meadow, lush green with those small daffodils growing by, perhaps Wordsworth's daffodils! Then I see a girl, her wild unkept hair sailing in the gentle breeze. She has a smile which speaks of solitude, and her heart , well that's swelling with happiness as he looks at her caravan, after all she finally has a life on wheels. What more could she wish for, what more  can anyone wish for? It's not always that we get to live a life we conceived as a kid, life keeps on deciding our track. From what we liked doing...
2 comments
Read more

The dead old tree

As I walked on the road unaware of where the world was headed towards, something caught my attention. It was a dead tree standing erect by the road. What interested me was the way it had been dying a slow death whereas the world around him was yet so green. My eyes lingered towards it's branches, there I saw leaves caught in transition, they were neither green to contain life nor brown to talk of despair. The colour was a shade of yellow with specks of dull green . Did the green in them yet had hope to continue being alive? I asked myself. Then I saw something which moved my heart for the tree, it was home to birds. Little chirpy birds seeked shelter in its dead trunk. How strange life could be, that tree housed life yet couldn't forsee it's end. A cool morning breeze made its dry branch rattle and one of its branches snapped. I could see a man hurry past the road. Before I could actually take hold of what was happening, I saw him drag that branch along with him and my mi...
1 comment
Read more