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Gup - shup: tales from life.

A friend of mine got in touch recently after ages and the first thing she said was, "Girl, you still are your happy self".  I was amused by the way she had so easily confirmed my state .

I tried to sound intelligent and thank her for complementing but I couldn't fake it. I quietly smiled for in these many years one thing that I have realised is you needn't explain yourself to people with whom you engage in small talks.

She took my smile to be a confirming nod and further began narrating how lucky I was to not have those share of struggles which supposedly she had. She began complaining about everything under the sun and I stood looking at her transfixed. My mind was not at all registering her words let alone her pain.

"Empathy ", I remember the first time I had learnt the word at school . I kept on repeating the word while cycling back to home for I had found my word, I wanted to be one such human who could smile at everyone and step in everyone's shoe as if it were my own. I kept on reminding myself over the years, "Girl, your pain is nothing compared to the world"  and this surprisingly gave me a closure. It subdued the "why me?" which my heart often rebelled when it never got a chance to be vocal.

But, surprisingly I couldn't relate with the pain my friend was so vocal about. I couldn't understand how could she trust me with her share of pain. Pain is meant to be kept to yourself until you find your extension with whom sharing it would be like keeping a secret buried to one's grave, is what I believed in.

My friend in the mean time had started weeping tears and I still wasn't moved. The empathetic shield that I had nurtured in me was suffering reality checks. I closed my eyes but no I still couldn't come to believe that her tears were worth her pain. I gently touched her shoulders and asked her for an ice cream and she looked at me aghast. What she said was , "You won't ever come to know how does it feel to get your heart slain. You are such a lucky bastard to have that stupid smile of yours clinging to your face like it all belonged to you".

I felt my heart kicking hard within, it wanted to rise to my defence. It had been kicked, trampled and crushed to the extent that it no more complained of pain but today it had been accused and it wanted to lease out its story. I hushed it for I knew, I had survived and soon would start living. Until then let me smile a little more for perhaps it belongs to me.

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