A wail escapes from the bottom of my belly
But as I part my lips, it escapes as a frozen breath
Speak, the teacher demanded!
A throbbing heart, I could hear it ringing deep.
The world would trample you in its way, my mother sighed.
She could see the bruises of the cane on my palms.
Why couldn't you tell the answers when you knew it by heart? she wanted to know.
But, Maa I did try..I did , I stammered.
My tears choking my half eaten words
She pulled me closer, wiped my tears and as she freed my hair from those tightened plaits
She spoke of a rule which I was to abide by.
You need to win over words, you need to make those words a game
Ah I said, I do try but I have to struggle hard
They ring in my mind but don't escape my lips
She smiled at me and said you need to trust yourself!
Ah, I said I would try.
And I did try over these years
But they still ring in my mind forming loops of their own
And the moment I open my lips, they die
And I try again from the start
I gulp my fears, mend my insecurities and I speak
They come out in whispers, some fall flat some reach ears
But I remain the same, dumb to the core!
You aren't wrong this time my friend for I know
I haven't been speaking just listening
And for that you do have walls which absorb!
But, I am no wall I am a human who breathes
A human like you and everybody in the street
I speak through my silence which rings deep in my skin
And someday my silence would echo enough
For the world to say: she ain't dumb,
She knows to speak!
"My love is enough for both of us", she often felt those words ring in her heart. She finally had understood that life wouldn't always follow her designs. That people are meant to leave but their memories won't. She often had wondered how someone could love her to such an extent when that person had always known that she wouldn't reciprocate those feelings. How could a person stand by her when she always acted as a fleeting shadow. She never had given hope for she knew the pain of dejection but he kept hoping like a hopeless vagabond. How she wished that he would some day hate her enough to let go. She devised ways to free him from this web, she acted cold, turned indifferent, did everything he detested and she finally saw some changes. It was a relief, he finally seemed to take hold of his life. She could see him grow responsible. He finally it seemed was learning to love himself. Phone calls died, meetings subsided, they become known strangers. All this while ...
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