Skip to main content

Blurred thoughts

If I were ever given a chance to set something from the past right, I always wonder what it would be!

Life deceives our designs, we may try to act smart but do we get to change everything which we think we can.

As we grow, we grow in terms of experiences which later remain with us in the form of memories and we carefully try to keep the good memories and try to obliterate the bitter ones. But, the rotten stench of bitter events no matter how well layered never completely allow us to be what we think we can be. There are like thousand voices playing and replaying bits of distorted events in our head, you can hush those voices but they always find ways to resurface.

As I hug my coffee mug and let it's aroma linger in my memory, I see it all. My life slowly slipping away from my hands in the form of days that gave away to months, months that turned into years and years altogether boasting of a life which has layered my past. There are so many things that I want to set right, if only I knew which weighed the most. But, no matter how many chances I am given, would I be able to set everything alright?

No matter how much I try or think about it but I have no control left over that part of life which has taken shape as a story and stories once born, never die.
Here I stand, recollecting those fond memories of bygone days when my heavy school bag wasn't heavy enough to pull down my spirit , the odd stump of crayons were enough to colour my dreams, broken pencils could always be made useful and uniforms had pride attached. But, when did I actually stop relating to these stuff, I don't even remember.

While life continues to roll in its jittery sway, I still am to figure out everything that life can hold.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Reading between the lines

"Read between the lines",  I heard our professor say. We were in midst of a Victorian text. I looked at her point blank. She had spoken about something which I had no clue about. "Ma'am,  would you please elaborate? ",  I tried framing this sentence in my mind but my introverted  self overpowered my inquisitive soul like everytime. I hopelessly waited for an explanation. Ma'am started explaining about how beyond the surface meaning of any written text, there lay a wide plethora of meaning which wasn't explicitly stated. She talked about finding a void between the written words and our imagination, that void which shapes our interpretation. That explanation opened doors to my perception of reading a text. It wasn't that I had never considered about the possibilities of meanings that lay coated in words until then, but, what perhaps I lacked was to look for that void where I questioned the layers of meaning, where I put myself in those layers of wo...

What do you want to be?

While I was in my 10th standard, almost everyone I met wanted to know what I wanted to be. This question always perplexed me. From the lens of a fifteen year kid who was not yet sure of the changes which awaited in the near future, this question gave me nightmares. I would constantly sit by the mirror and ask myself, what actually would be my answer. My friends always had fancy answers at their disposal. They would confidently chirp whenever any one asked about it. What amused me most was, my friend who had no inkling to study Biology wanted to be a doctor and another friend who detested the idea of even cooking noodles, wanted to be a chef! But whenever they spoke about their wishes, they would always sound confident. And there I was, fumbling for words which refused to escape my lips. It was not until I entered Jawahar Navodaya Vidyalaya to do my plus two, I found my voice. The teachers there have a different way of viewing life. For the first time, I no longer felt the classroom...

"My love is enough for both of us"

"My love is enough for both of us", she often felt those words ring in her heart. She finally had understood that life wouldn't always follow her designs. That people are meant to leave but their memories won't. She often had wondered how someone could love her to such an extent when that person had always known that she wouldn't reciprocate those feelings. How could a person stand by her when she always acted as a fleeting shadow. She never had given hope for she knew the pain of dejection but he kept hoping like a hopeless vagabond. How she wished that he would some day hate her enough to let go. She devised ways to free him from this web, she acted cold, turned indifferent, did everything he detested and she finally saw some changes. It was a relief, he finally seemed to take hold of his life. She could see him grow responsible. He finally it seemed was learning to love himself. Phone calls died, meetings subsided, they become known strangers. All this while ...