Snapshot from life.

One big dilemma that I faced as a kid was to open up to the world which only recognised people who spoke their hearts aloud. And I chose not to.

As an adult, now I know it's perfectly okay to not speak if I am not willing to but as a kid who was made to cater to a race which only recognised the best, the journey has been difficult.

I remember sharing dingy classrooms filled with extrovert kids, who always had an answer to whatever the teacher enquired. And there were some of my likes, we knew the answer but we chose not to speak aloud. And then came in punishments which each time made me aware how I lacked the capacity to fit in. Yes, they wanted an introvert kid to fit in. But, little did they know the reason of my unwillingness to give in to their wishes. I detested hypocrisies in the name of friendship, associations, recognitions. I wanted to be left alone, to grow on my own. I didn't want to be a crowd.

I was jealous of my friends, their happy ways. They could dance, sing, play and be the stars of our school. And there I was, always unwilling to participate in any of those competitions which demanded a lot more than which my introvert self could allow.

It was only when I was in eighth standard that I was made to participate in an extempore speech competition which demanded me to speak. I shuddered at the sight of a thousand eyes looking at me but did I even have any option to back out. I could hear repeated announcements being made. So, I for the very first time took a step, a bold, unfaltering one. I closed my eyes for a second, took a deep breath, held the microphone and started speaking. It felt amazing to hear my voice echoing out of those ugly looking loudspeakers. It ended, those two minutes, they clapped, I breathed relief. I almost ran back to my place. For the very first time, I felt a wall shattering. I finally was learning to fit in and at the same time not at the cost of forsaking my inner self.

That incident shaped my life, I no longer had stage fears. It started late but I grew confident enough to open up during delivering public speeches. During my plus two, I became a lot more confident. I almost knew what I wanted to do with my life for I didn't want any introvert kid to suffer. I was learning to listen to my inner voice.

It was later when I entered University that I got to know that most of my friends were introverts too. Our teachers openly talked about how it was sort of cool to be introverts for people often tend to not locate the potentialities of introvert kids. Learning became fun because I knew I wouldn't be judged. They knew I failed to initiate conversations, so the teachers began to do it instead until I felt comfortable to approach them. I was entering into a different world. My project guide openly talked about how she suffered depression and how she tackled it, we were encouraged to talk about our fears, to sort out solutions which came out of feedbacks. The introvert kid who fumbled to utter her name, became an active participant in classroom discussions. She would do her classes, spend time in the library reading books out of shelves, cycle around and do whatever she liked in her own little world.

The assignments that were assigned to us not always were on paper. We visited the nearby schools, adopted kids for one academic session. We looked after them. Their bright faces were what I looked forward to meet. Without any conscious attempt, I became better. I could freely express my views without any strained attempt. By the time I completed my course, more than academics, I had gained an insight to life.

I never had bigger life goals. I planned my life on a daily basis. I wanted to do something worthwhile which would reward all the pain that people took to gift me a life which has been wonderful. When I see people regretting over life, wasted possibilities. I want to tell them how life can be wonderful only when we want to make it one. We all have seen bitter times but we also have been through good times. So, for once can't we face the brighter side of life?

My life changed drastically, who knows yours might change as well!

Today as I was shuffling through old photographs, one rare photo caught my attention, of a girl who only knew to smile, who kept things to herself. A lot has changed, the girl has grown but a lot yet remains the same. The best thing about photographs being, it freezes moments which turn into beautiful memories.