Skip to main content

Dust to dust

As a kid, I was fascinated by the world of grown ups. They seemed pretty cool to my eyes. They could ply their vehicles, move around without seeking permissions and get anything they wanted as they had money in their pockets. On the contrary, there I was struggling to choose jelly over butter for breakfast. Well, well maybe I still am a kid trapped in a grown ups body.

The last couple of months have been tough, I have had dealt with unseen situations. I tried to fare it well but probably I wasn't taught the requisites to come out strong. I have  abided by a rule book all of my life. Rather than being in a story I had always opted to stay at the periphery. I have lived more anticipating a future rather thank making amends with my present. The past though a lost chapter somehow never leaves my thought process because all of it makes me who I am today and I don't regret any of it.

These past months were filled with self revelation. I have finally realised how I have always tried to be in the good books of people and that without realising had been toxic to my growing up process. I was that ever understanding kid who would happily let go her share of stuff to fill other's pockets. Kindness, empathy, benevolence were what my family thought me to abide by whereas they should carved me into a strong willed, headstrong individual.

I have this tendency of hurting people without realising. I hurt them and I try to escape them. A fugitive is trapped in my body. I know happiness cannot be collective and I ought to think like an individual but to me it is easier said than done. I have always liked to believe that the very idea of happiness is collective. I can only be happy when I know my people are happy. For now I have stopped being a confused adult and am in the process of becoming who I want myself to be. The journey ahead is tough but never was anything easier so far, this fight shall continue until I meet dust to dust.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Checks and balances of life!

I wasn't always who I am today. It took a lot of courage to break past my shell. Oscar Wilde  had once stated that knowing what you want to be in life becomes a curse because you invariably become that but not knowing is liberating, there are endless possibilities of who you can become. I too didn't know who I was going to be. Today, I realise it was liberating. I never knew i could find my voice some day. Now that I feel liberated,it becomes difficult to remain confined. We need to grow, evolve into better beings each day. We need to grow past the "checks and balances" of life. I remember Fuller here,  Fuller has asked us to be a part of a process of this evolving planet. He wants us to be "verbs" not "nouns"!  Here is a tale of an introverted me who knew not what to expect from life .  ....... I would talk less at school, not attend socialising events, avoid looking at stranger's eyes while on the road. In short, I wanted to be invisible to t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Uncovering whispers

Isn't it strange how love binds people who are polar opposites! I have always believed love to be a faith which grows deeper each day as it is based on trust and the ability to hold on just like the waves hold on to the sea. The story is about two love birds who got caught in the web of love. He resembles the morning sunshine, shy yet bold enough to fight past the night's gloom. A deafening silence engulfing his soul. She is a tempest who gave his silence a shattering jolt. And just when the word impossible could have defined the bond they likely could have shared, the word split itself into " I am possible!" and a possibly, "I am possible" love story took birth. What interests me is the way they stand together,  I have seen them fight, seen them suffer but that suffering has it's beauty of it's own where one cries and the other feels the pain (Okay, that was a cliche!) I was always attracted towards stories which had pain in the sense that it mad...
Post a Comment
Read more

Voice

A wail escapes from the bottom of my belly But as I part my lips, it escapes as a frozen breath Speak, the teacher demanded! A throbbing heart, I could hear it ringing deep. The world would trample you in its way, my mother sighed. She could see the bruises of the cane on my palms. Why couldn't you tell the answers when you knew it by heart? she wanted to know. But, Maa I did try..I did , I stammered. My tears choking my half eaten words She pulled me closer, wiped my tears and as she freed my hair from those tightened plaits She spoke of a rule which I was to abide by. You need to win over words, you need to make those words a game Ah I said, I do try but I have to struggle hard They ring in my mind but don't escape my lips She smiled at me and said you need to trust yourself! Ah, I said I would try. And I did try over these years But they still ring in my mind forming loops of their own And the moment I open my lips, they die And I try again from the start ...
Post a Comment
Read more