Skip to main content

A note to baa

Burrying the dead has never been easy but keeping the dead alive is a hell lot more difficult. Recently, I lost my maternal grandfather (baa). The world around me has been convincing me that he being at the opulent age of 83, it is okay to accept the fact that he couldn't make it to 84. "He saw life for decades altogether", they say, got his children married,  saw his responsibilities settle,  even saw his grandchildren grow, what more does one except from life. Sounds convincing right?

No, I would never settle for those answers. He wanted to live and for that he was willing to try. He was willing to take care of himself to the extent possible so that he doesn't have to die and now that he is gone, now that I see his walking stick left unattended in a corner, I don't want to buy any of those reasons that people have been putting forth. I miss his deep yet subtle voice, his warm smile, the life lessons he always had in abundance to share. I know he has left us but to burry his memories has become difficult. As long as I remember him, as long as I hear his voice in my mind, as long as I realise the clink of his laughter : he would never really be dead.

The very moment I heard the news of his demise, a thousand emotions hit me hard. All deaths of my near and dear ones became vivid and I realised though the wound of losing people heals, the scar in the form of memories never lets you forget about it. It comes back to you in the form of an old forgotten tune which you have long stopped humming but the moment you hear it, it comes alive all over again.

While the world offered him fire, I chose to offer him a room in my heart where he would safely settle between half baked memories and a handful of realisations.

Even in death, you will be kept alive baa:)

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Grandpa and me

I am the eldest grandchild in my family. And being the eldest, I was pampered a great deal by my grandparents. My aama (grandma) and baa (grandpa) always shielded me from every possible dangers including thrashings from maa. I have pleasant memories of evening story sessions as grandpa took me to bed. Aama would oil my hair and tie pony tails which resembled coconut trees that I used to draw. Sundays meant elaborate sessions with my grandparents. Baa would trim my nails, aama would fondle me to sleep. Their bed room was literally my playing room, my story book reading room, my painting room and what not. With time, as I grew, I got a room of my own but their room was still my favourite one. When I left for hostel, I missed them more than I missed my parents.  It was in the year 2014, I had come home after my exams when aama received a pressure stroke . She couldn't make it. I had spent a month as he lay sick on her bed. All of a sudden, there was a role reversal. I could

Life on wheels

The one thing that I always had dreamt of as a kid was to have a caravan that could take me to places.I always wanted a gypsy styled life. The idea itself mesmerized me to the extent that I kept dreaming of it the whole time not even realising how it was time which kept on rolling but I stood exactly at the same place, my dreams could never concretize. What was laughed at as a childish game was so important to me that I keep doodling it in my memory till now. I see a meadow, lush green with those small daffodils growing by, perhaps Wordsworth's daffodils! Then I see a girl, her wild unkept hair sailing in the gentle breeze. She has a smile which speaks of solitude, and her heart , well that's swelling with happiness as he looks at her caravan, after all she finally has a life on wheels. What more could she wish for, what more  can anyone wish for? It's not always that we get to live a life we conceived as a kid, life keeps on deciding our track. From what we liked doing

Cup of tea

Be his 'cup of tea' the world announced, My hena smeared hands decided my fate. I was a butterfly, wild, untamed. Who ran like the wind, even faster than the wind. But, my legs got shackled My run gave away to timid steps My dreams evaporated with the smoke that went curling from the hearth His 'cup of tea' was what I learning to become. I wish someone had said, it's OK to not be anyone's 'cup of tea' I wish someone had said, it's OK to be untamed I wish someone had said, it's OK to live your way But no one did, and I didn't dare I let myself die each day, each night. The veil covered by swollen heart but I felt naked within My wishes got choked in the dense kitchen air My essence got lost in time I became everything that wasn't me. I finally became his 'cup of tea' .